Strategies for Implementing Comfort in Shared Living Spaces

     Self-care is so important because in order to function as a human being we must take care of ourselves in a way that’s healthy mentally and physically. Spiritually and emotionally. 

     Going to your family healthcare providers is essential because we can not see or tell what’s going on, on the inside of our bodies. A doctor or a specialist can though. One of the many ways they can help you is: 

     First to start by asking you very important questions.  The questions may run along the lines of, “What’s your family history on this health issue?” and specifically “How severe are your symptoms today from on a scale 1 to 10?” 

     Numerous questions will be asked of you so it’s very crucial to listen attentively and really take your time in answering honestly and accurately as much as possible. The goal is to help you but achieve enough information from you so that he or she can analyze and get the process going. Believe it or not your doctor may tell you that you may need tests done, blood drawn, or medication, or all of the above.

     After you've taken the initiative to seek professional medical advice you may want to sit down with yourself in an environment where you can think.  If not, wait until your roommates are settled in doing their own things. And the space you're in is quiet and lit enough to start putting your thoughts down on paper. Now I understand that this is not easy because some have to deal with roommates who are loud with their subwoofers banging in the background. Some may have little ones and they’re running back and forth playing.  However, you have to get into it by making valid decisions for your own well-being.  So here are a few ways to compromise with shared living spaces:

1. Talk to your friends/roommates.  Communication, communication, communication is always key to any type of compromise with a group of people or an individual. 
2. Ask questions before you start planning to figure “You” out. Some example questions could run along the lines of, “Hey [insert person’s name] I have some studying to do, is there a way you can keep the volume down for at least 30 to 45 minutes?” or “Hey, when will the children be taking their naps today? I have something I’m working on and I really need to get it done by tomorrow morning.”
3. Go outside your environment. Many of you already know places off the top of your heads that enforce a “quieter” environment space. Two of those places are the library or the park.  Now, sometimes this is not always the case due to certain standards and everyday hustle and bustle of the city life. But a thing for me that certainly would help aid myself in these types of environments is headphones. Or ear pieces that have noise cancellations specific to the electronic device.

     The intentions of this post is to introduce specific ways on enhancing one's own self-care comforts while adjusting to shared living quarters (like in a dorm or apartment setting) with others who are loved ones, friends, sisters, mothers, colleagues, and whatever the reader may see fit in his or her eyes.  In addition, to share ideas on implementing self-care routines in the night. And self care throughout the day. All whilst creating a cozy living space while living with roommates advice. And a sprinkle of my own personal tips and experiences.

      Open dialogues are necessary to have when it comes to expressing one another’s preferences on how their boundaries balance out from person to person. Imagine the scenario of two roommates where roommate #1 is a single college student with no children but has a dog and she likes to see dishes to be washed but doesn’t like to have to upkeep on dishes when they clearly see them piling up and need to be washed. Then, you have roommate #2 a single mother of two who has no choice but to do dishes majority of the time in order to keep the ebb and flow of herself and her two kids after mealtimes.  Both roommates work. Roommate #1 has a full-time job and roommate #2 has a part-time job. 

     They’re main deal is to help one another out with bills, the children, and the dog. And of course, take turns doing household chores which are mainly the dishes and trash. One day, conflict arises when Roommate #2 gets off work to wind down and play a little amongst her two kids and she does not do the 5 to 10 dish pile in the sink right away.  Roommate #1 comes out of her room from a shower ready to head into work. Suddenly, roommate #1 asks Roommate #2, “Hey, did you take my doggy out for a walk yet?” Roommate #2 responds, “Nah, I didn't. I just got off work not too long ago. I will take your dog out as soon as I get myself back together.” “Oh, okay. That’s fine. Are you ever going to do those dishes from last night?” Roommate #2 looks at her puzzled. Really thinking about her response. Roommate #2 politely responds, “Yes, I can. Like I always do. I really got worn out with the children last night and fell asleep. You could’ve done them while I was at work.” Roommate #1 walks towards the door while saying under her breath, “Yeah, yeah.” And she let the front door slam shut.  

     You see this is why it is so critical to keep open communication with every person you roommate with because situations like these are small to some; however, it’s a big deal to others.  

     In a sense, both roommates were not either right or wrong. Furthermore, here’s some ways to understanding personal space and how to increase that understanding effectively: 

1. Give meaning to what personal space means to you. In general, defining this can be different depending on the person. Some people may prefer talking at a distance and others may like arm lengths face to face. Certain religious backgrounds and cultures can be taken into account as well.  Either way, do your research on the psychology of handling conflicts that way you can embrace the situations right then and there.
2. Know yourself. Ask yourself what you need. Do you feel safe? Do you need to re-think your whole life and get another roommate? The greatest thing about life is that we have choices and you have every right to change your mind at any given time. Remember: “Every tub has to sit on its own bottom.”   
3. Recognize boundaries. Set boundaries in the beginning. Setting them in the beginning will create a world of difference. Had the two roommates sat down and conversed about when they would do the dishes on this day or that day. The stir of conflict wouldn’t have existed. Moreover, creating a magnetic calendar to go on the fridge may have felt daunting for Roommate #1 but it would have given a visual to have the girls to follow daily. 
4. Be straight up when you’re speaking. Roommate #2 needed to speak up the most because she already was doing the dishes majority of the time. She also had her comebacks and was honest about asking why Roommate #1 just didn’t pick up her slack for not doing the dishes the night before. On the other hand, she could have stood her ground to make the situation sound more fair. Cause granted she could’ve done the dishes before she went to work.. But she was clearly exhausted from her children keeping her up during the night and breaking her sleep to get a good night's rest. So, roommate #2 was a bit inconsiderate by not being a friend and doing her part too. Instead, roommate #2 treated roommate #1 poorly by not acknowledging the fact. Which in turn left both roommates with a nasty taste in their mouths.
5. Listen attentively and have some empathy. It was obvious that both roommates were not listening to one another. Easily Roommate #2 could’ve set the grounds on what day who should do dishes. Or she could’ve said something along the lines of: “Hey, roommate #1 I apologize for not doing the dishes the night before my son breaks my sleep at night because of [diaper changes, cutting teeth, a fresh bottle, etc.] If you don’t mind, when I go to work without doing the dishes, may you please do them?” Roommate #2 response: “Oh, okay.  I’ll try but do realize I’m allowing you and the kids to use my dishes, I expect them to be done but I see you’re trying so I got you. Let’s come up with a chore list together. Okay?” Be kind and everything should play out as it should.
6. Put thoughts, expectations, and agreements on paper. We all should know by now the saying, “If you did something and it’s not written it didn’t happen.” Document everything when you are roommating.  That way you have proof and concrete understanding on what’s what. This will hold everyone accountable. Get signatures if you want to take it a step further. The contract documentation needs to have everything clearly and concisely written. Then, when it’s time to read it everyone will have no choice but to slow down and really comprehend what's expected of them. 

     Last but not least, find solutions because if not conflicts will escalate to even bigger problems. Find someone who is on the outside looking in to mediate any issues from a different perspective. If the roommates are loved ones this is so crucial. Do you want to have good memories? Then you must make it your job in creating them. 

     Put in place a self-care routine for yourself. Meaning whatever you know you need to start in order to keep your own inner peace and well-being. Do it. Go on that shopping spree if need be. Write that book. Exercise. Take that bubble bath. Do your favorite hobbies. Get some real quiet time/ Me time that you know you deserve. Rest. While you’re at it don’t be afraid to encourage your roommates to do the same with their self-care routine. Do the routines together. Do not be the 70% of people who stress out when they do not get their personal space and lack boundaries.

     Lastly: There are so many other ways to practice Self-care even while living with others. Please note that even being a great steward of your money can be a form of self-care. And eating healthy nutritional foods. Keep in mind to: Have open dialogues, converse [a lot] with your roommates no matter the circumstance. Compromise. And always respect one another so that everyone can have good fond memories of each other for a lifetime. Additionally, live in harmony with others not in chaos. Ask for help. Ask questions. Document everything. And have one another's backs. With one hand feel your heart beat. With the other hand touch your belly and say, "I'm okay. Everything will be okay. I am Awesome. And I'm just having a human experience." ♥︎